Invader Zim Song Medley
by Black Stormraven
Summary: Little snippets  -NOT songfics!-  inspired by different songs, mostly centered around one of my favorite pairings: Zim and Tak! All lyrics belong to their respective owners, IZ belongs to Nick and Viacom. I was just having fun! Genre & time jumps.
1. Sharp Dressed Man

The iPod shuffle game! I put my iPod on shuffle and decided to write a little snippet set to each song. Let's see how long I can keep it going XD Just a warning: I will be jumping around time periods and whatnot. Just don't think about each one too much :) Onward!

_Clean shirt, new shoes.  
>I don't know what I'm gonna do.<br>Silk suit, black tie.__  
><em>_I don't need a reason why.  
>They come a-runnin' just as fast as they can<br>'cause every girl's crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man._

ZZ Top-Sharp Dressed Man

They never got dressed up. EVER. They were trying NOT to draw attention to themselves; dressing up in frilly Earth clothing was entirely counter-productive in her opinion. Tak would have preferred to not even go to the prom; everything she'd heard about and seen of them on TV made them seem so boring. But Zim, always so paranoid about appearing more human (even though he was always horrible at it), insisted not only that they go, but dress the part as well. She'd relented after seeing how firm he was on the subject, not that she was happy about it. She'd chosen a simple purple gown constructed for her by the Computer. Nothing at all too dramatic or uncomfortable. She should have no trouble blending in to the crowd of Skool children. At the moment she was standing at the door, getting photographed repeatedly by GIR (who was holding the camera upside down with the lens cap on), waiting impatiently for Zim to join her so they could leave and get back. She was just about to punt the insane little robot out of the room when he shoved the camera in her face for the fifteenth time when the aforementioned Irken finally made his entrance.

There was a song she'd heard in passing once during her first stint on Earth. She'd immediately dismissed it as nothing more than human noise, but now she realized how true the song was.

Zim was dressed in a smart black suit, a crimson dress shirt contrasting his jacket beautifully. His wig and ocular lenses were the same as always, but the suit...something about it...she couldn't put her finger on it, but it definitely set off a tingling sensation deep in her squeedlyspooch. It didn't hurt that his growth spurt had already made him more attractive to her (well, less physically repulsive anyway) as well; the suit only enhanced it. Apparently females of any species do find well-groomed males to be desirable.

He was fiddling with the small buttons on his sleeve wrists, something he couldn't quite manage with only on three-fingered hand. Tak shook herself to clear her mind and focus, making her way over to help. She smacked his hand away and pushed the button through the whole without a single slip. She then noticed one of his lapels was off-kilter. Her eyes remained on her work even though she could feel him staring at her. Despite becoming mates over a year ago, both Zim and Tak were still painfully shy around each other regarding any romantic notions or displays; they were still too foreign, too far away from everything they'd been taught and encoded with as smeets. But they were no longer welcome in Irken society, both labeled as 'defective'. The freedom to do as they pleased was theirs, however hesitant they were to take it.

Always full of surprises, Zim placed a hand on Tak's cheek, a clearly loving gesture that forced her to meet his eyes. A strange heat rose to her face at his touch. She briefly feared it was his doing and she would soon explode. She had to remind herself that those days were long behind them. No more trying to defeat one another, no more yearning for vengeance.

A bright flash of light brought her out of her thoughts, and Zim, too. GIR had finally taken the lens cap off the camera and snapped a picture. She would make sure it never saw the light of day...but there would be no harm in keeping a copy for herself. "Awww, you looks cute!" GIR squealed with insane delight.

"Meep!" agreed Minimoose.

Tak, fully embarrassed for no discernable reason, turned toward the door and opened it. "Let's get this night over with, Zim," she called over her shoulder. He quickly caught up with her and matched her strides, which were shorter than his own. That unconscious show of care made her smile in spite of herself. _Maybe this prom won't be so bad after all._


	2. Don't Take Your Guns to Town

_Don't take your guns to town, son._

_Leave your guns at home, Bill._

_Don't take your guns to town._

**Johnny Cash-Don't Take Your Guns to Town**

It had taken hours to calm him down, and even then she wasn't certain it was over. She'd had to sedate him so much she feared she'd accidentally put him in a coma. GIR had taken him down to one of the holding chambers usually reserved for human test subjects to keep him from wreaking even more havoc if he awoke too soon.

Tak was now throwing herself into researching Irken biology and psychology, mostly from ancient texts documented before the practice of genetically removing emotions became standard protocol. It wasn't easy to acquire these discs, but it was surprising what a few choice verbal threats could make a Vortian librarian give up.

As it turned out, being away from Irk and other Irkens had resulted in some long-dormant genetic anomaly to awaken in Zim. Irkens no longer took mates, the need for two parties to be involved in reproduction long since unnecessary, but when they did there would be instances of the males going berserk if they felt another challenge for their female. In hindsight, she should have foreseen this day: for the past few weeks he'd been oddly clingy. When the boys in class would ask her questions about homework or the upcoming midterm, Zim would put his arm around her shoulders and stare down the human until he left. She would then respond by stoically pinching his hand until he withdrew it, not thinking anything of the exchange. How stupid.

Everything had come to a head when they were walking home from the mall one afternoon. A group of human males, teenagers most likely, had set their gazes on Tak. Zim had been shaking with what she now knew was barely-restrained rage when he'd pulled her closer to him. It was when the males had made inappropriate (even by Earth standards) comments about what they'd like to do to Tak that he'd snapped. He'd rushed at them, bloodlust obviously obscuring his senses. Tak had tried to pull him away before anyone saw and alerted the authorities (although the only one who showed any interest in the mauling was a passing Chihuahua carrying a half-eaten tuna), but Zim was too far gone. She'd called both GIR and Minimoose for help. GIR had just started spinning in place singing a demented version of "Daisy Bell" ("Daisy, daisy. Give me your answer do. I'm half crazy all for the love of you…"),so it was up to Minimoose to restrain his master. He put Zim in a makeshift stasis field while Tak erased the battered boys' memories. They'd raced back to the base and only just made it in the door when the stasis failed. Zim, still in his rage-blind state, had inadvertently pinned his mate against the door, still seeing the humans in his mind's eye.

"ZIIIIIIM!" she'd screamed. "It's me! It's Tak! Listen to me!" His arms slowly fell, his gaze trying to focus on her, his breathing coming in short, hard gasps. Silence presided over them for what felt like an eternity. She hated it. "Zim," she whispered, more frightened for his safety than her own. "Zim, what's happened to you?" Her hand instinctively reached up to touch his face, a gesture that they'd become more comfortable with over time. She wanted to let him know that she was there, she was real, and everything was okay.

Unfortunately, GIR had picked that moment to turn the TV to some idiotic teen drama wherein the lead male was professing his stupid love to the lead female. Zim only heard the "dump your boyfriend because we're meant for each other and the script says so", and it was enough to set him off once again. He'd attacked the screen, shattering both it and GIR's little robotic heart, while screaming, "she's MY mate! Get your own!"

Tak didn't know what else to do. She'd retrieved a high-concentrate sedative from her PAK and injected the whole thing into her mate's arm. He'd collapsed to the floor, completely unconscious, leaving Tak staring in horror at the destruction, GIR cradling chunks of his beloved TV and wailing uncontrollably. This couldn't go on. She had to find out what was wrong with Zim and figure out how to prevent it in the future...

...which led to her current situation. She couldn't keep drugging him to keep him under control, but she didn't know what else she could do. Hailing the Tallest for help would only result in their (hers and Zim's) deaths, and she was too proud an Irken to try calling anyone else. All she could hope for was a cure listed somewhere in these archaic files. So far, twenty hours of reading had only told her the most basic facts: Irken males, having claimed a mate, would fight to the death anything they viewed as a threat to that coupling, the rage would continue for an unspecified amount of time, and some taco shells could cause a skin rash (what that had to do with Irken mating she hadn't the foggiest).

"Tak," the Computer interrupted, "Zim's waking up. You want me to give him more sedative?" It punctuated the question by withdrawing several dozen syringes filled with the same greenish fluid she'd injected her mate with earlier.

She didn't miss the hopeful tone in its processed voice. "No. I'll go talk to him; see if he's really calmed down."

"Aww," the Computer whined. "I wanted to stab him."

Tak chose to ignore that remark; she had more important things to worry about. She made her way down to the holding cell where Zim was steadily regaining his senses. She ignored the Computer's and Minimoose's warnings and stepped past the force field into the small room. Seeing that he couldn't move very well just yet, she cautiously settled herself beside him and pulled his head into her lap. She waited for him to fully awaken before she spoke, absently stroking his antennae.

Zim's fingers closed around her wrist after a few minutes. "Tak..." he groaned, sounding nothing like himself.

"Yes, Zim?" At least he sounded coherent.

"That feels...nice." He snuggled closer to her, his arms going around her waist in a manner both childish and possessive. "Please don't stop."

She hesitated. _Did he really just say 'please'? _They really had been around humans too long. She shook her head, a small smile gracing her lips, and resumed her gentle caresses of her mate's highly sensitive antennae. It might take a while, but she'd find a way to help him through this somehow. They were mated for life; they'd find a solution together.

Perhaps if they combined threats they could get more information from that Vortian librarian.

**Note:** Yeah, I've got songs of all genres and ages and stuff in this little iPod ;)


	3. Return to Sender

_I gave a letter to the postman  
><em>_he put it in his sack.  
><em>_Bright and early next morning  
><em>_he brought my letter back.  
><em>_She wrote upon it:  
><em>_Return to sender, address unknown.  
><em>_No such person, no such zone.  
><em>**Elvis Presley-Return to Sender**

Tak had just shoved Zim into yet another trashcan. He'd been hounding her all day, trying to proclaim himself her "love pig" over and over. It would have been cute if it wasn't so irritatingly moronic...and if she didn't harbor a deep-seated hatred for him for ruining her life. Every time she opened her locker, there was another "gift" from Zim. First it was a Valentine's meat slab. Then a horrendous love letter. Last had been a cheap plastic ring of some kind. Now she was annoyed. How dare he try to mimic human courtship rituals with her! Of course, he was too stupid to see through her perfectly-made disguise, so he had no way of knowing she was Irken. This had gone on far enough. So she put him in his place, along with all of his stupid presents: a refuse collector.

Ridiculous. The very idea that she would succumb to pitiful attempts to court her, especially coming from her most-hated enemy. She had to remind herself to be patient. _Don't blow your cover just yet, Tak, _she thought. _You've got a lot to do before you can kill him. Or launch him into the heart of a collapsing star. Whichever. _

She resolved to not let the puny idiot get under her skin. But before they left Skool, she had to give him something.

* * *

><p>Zim truly did not appreciate the "Kick Me" sign the Tak-beast had put on his back, but he was too worn out and too busy being on fire to care very much. Stupid humans and their 'affection'! He hated it...especially the part with the beans. Oh, how those beans burned. He'd have to get rid of her, what with her no longer being useful and all.<p>

Too bad he was also too busy being an idiot to see on the sign Tak had drawn a symbol of the Irken Armada beside her name. Maybe then he would have known the truth before it destroyed his base.


	4. Those Without Fear

**Audiomachine-Those Without Fear**

Today was the day. It would be nothing short of glorious! High Invader Zim and his mate, Commander Tak, surveyed their troops as they prepared for the greatest conquest of all: the total takeover of the known universe. It had taken many years and many casualties to reach this day, but they would be sure to honor those who had fallen with victory. No Irken could ask for more.

The Armada closed in on key planets throughout numerous solar systems simultaneously, ready to strike at Zim's command. The captains of each ship were on his viewing screen, each eagerly awaiting the order to attack and destroy and conquer. Zim and Tak looked to each other, then smiled. This was the day they would pass down to their smeets and their grandsmeets and great-grandsmeets. Their names would ring for eternity as the greatest Invaders there ever were. Sure, the Tallests would always take the credit, but the individual soldiers and what remained of the inferior planets would never forget exactly who had led the Armada, who had single-handedly wiped out civilizations with little more than one word. Zim and Tak, the first Irkens to become mates in milennia, the first Irkens to learn to work together as a unit rather than seek glory and fame for their own benefit or that of an Empire that was stuck in its old ways.

Zim thought of this as he silently raised his arm, a smirk of deserved arrogance on his face. Tak gave orders to her subordinates to continue the chain of command, and the captains each closed their communications channels with a hearty cry of "Yes, my lord! My lady!" The sound of the ships descending upon their respective planets was music to Zim. Everything he'd fought for in the past had led to this one moment, this singular victory. He turned to look upon his mate once more, noticing not for the first time how beautiful she was in the heat of battle. Her eyes shone with a wicked glee, a satisfied and maniacal laugh bubbling forth from her lips. She always reveled in the slaughter of the weak.

Zim took a moment to put aside all thoughts of victory and annihilation and the Empire. He approached Tak with a confidence that had always been innate, but now felt wholly fitting. She slowed her laughter when she felt him beside her, admiring the way he looked so natural at the head of the Armada. She was soon stunned when he outstretched the same hand he had used to give the order to attack to his troops. Without a single word, she knew what he was asking.

She placed her hand in his, their fingers intertwining so intimately as to near the line of taboo. She allowed him to pull her close, completely ignoring the muffled gasps of shock from their pilots; they should have been used to such displays by now, but it was still a bit jarring to see such blatant affection between their commanders. Zim led her around the bridge in a dance they'd learned together while on Earth. It was a sweeping, graceful collection of steps and turns; it reminded them of the rush of battle and the elation of the defeat of the enemy. Perhaps that was why they both took to it so well (although it had taken Zim considerably longer than Tak to get through one dance without tripping over something). The screams of the fallen enemies and the laughter of their Invaders provided the soundtrack to their dance, a perfect match in their opinions. They smiled at each other, something else they'd grown accustomed to over the years, through the carnage around them.

Yes, today was glorious indeed.


	5. The Cave of Wonders

**The Cave of Wonders-Aladdin OST**

**Note: **This was originally going to be something completely different, but I thought this setting was more appropriate. Plus, it's always fun to try and get into the minds of the Tallests :)

Every time they went to meet with the Control Brains there was a sense of dread, always creeping through their veins like little crawly, creepy thingies. As the Tallests, they were supposed to be without fear, without anxiety. Tell that to them now as they made their way into the chamber where the leaders of the Brains resided. The steady hum of artificial activity (conduits conducting energy, wires and tubes relaying digital data to and from the Brains, etc) only helped to increase their nervousness rather than overcome it. It was the sound of life, yet somehow out of synch with the rest of the noises they were used to hearing on the Massive. It was eerie.

Red and Purple were soon enough standing before the three Control Brains that guided their race, providing the structural support most Tallests were incapable of providing on their own. They'd been summoned for reasons unknown, the ominous message bearing no room for objection or hesitation. They did their best to put on an air of nonchalance by slurping down sodas and snacking on chips as they stood before their leaders, and they did pretty well (except for the way Purple's eyes never lingered on one thing for too long). "Well, here we are," Red declared unnecessarily. The Brains remained silent. "Sooooo...what'd ya want?"

The Brain on the left (let's call him Lefty) answered first. "Tallests Red and Purple." The booming voice seemed to come from every direction at once. "It has come to our attention that two Irken soldiers have not been heard from in quite some time. Any ideas?"

Of course they knew who to whom Lefty was referring. There were only two soldiers not accounted for: Zim and Tak. "We don't know," Red replied. "We haven't received any communications of any kind from either of them in months. Since Zim is insane, we don't really care about him. And Tak, well...she's scary."

The Brain situated to the right (we'll call her Righty) spoke next, her deep voice resonating through their PAKs almost unpleasantly. "Yes, the female who has spoken seditiously against you two." (Red ignored Purple's question of "what's 'seditiously' mean?") "We have come to discover that both she and Zim have formed an alliance of sorts on Earth." She went quiet.

The Tallests were still trying to process this new information (Tak ally herself with Zim? She hated him right down to his squeedlyspooch!) when the central Brain (he'll be called Doug) clarified. "They have become _mates._" He spat the word as if it were something too vile to even contemplate. Red and Purple's jaws nearly hit the floor along with their snacks. "Irkens have no need of such a practice. You both know this. What we want to know is how and why you allowed it to happen."

"Wooooo," Purple began, horrified that he could be blamed for something like this. "How is this any of our fault? We don't care about either of them!"

"And that is your error!" Doug bellowed. "You are the ones in charge of your Armada, of your Invaders. Even though Tak never officially qualified to become one, you both allowed her to seek out Zim in her personal vendetta. You gave her all the permissions granted a true Invader, allowed her to complete a mission based on emotion when you should have recalled her immediately!"

Righty spoke next. "You both are to blame. Zim should have been branded a traitor the day he left his own exile on Foodcourtia. But you allowed him to go on his merry way! You should have brought him before us instead of hoping he would perish in the void of space. He may be a moron, but morons tend to have better chances of survival due to the fact that they do not realize how totally screwed they are."

"By aligning herself with Zim, Tak has chosen her own fate," Lefty continued.

"Meaning...?" Red said, wanting to hear this for himself.

"Meaning Tak will share the same fate as Zim," Doug explained. "By going against Irken law decreed by the Control Brains by taking each other as mates, Zim and Tak will be re-encoded-" Doug's central screen changed from a solid glowing yellow to an image of both Irkens with the word 'DEFECTIVE' replacing their previous encodings "-and are to hereafter be known as traitors to the Irken Empire. Should they attempt to return to Irk or contact any member of the Irken race, they will be hunted down and eliminated. From this day onward, their very names will be outlawed. Their radical behavior cannot contaminate the peoples of the Empire." Doug's screen returned to its normal neon hue.

"That's a bit harsh, isn't it?" Red asked innocently. "It's not like they tried to stage a coup or something."

"Yeah," agreed Purple. "Whatever that is."

"**No!**" all three yelled at once, almost making the Tallests black out from the force. Righty elaborated first. "The very idea of taking a mate goes against everything that makes an Irken an Irken! Irkens need no love. Sexual reproduction is not even necessary to continue the species. Mating is obsolete."

"We cannot allow any act of rebellion to go unpunished, not this close to total conquest," Lefty continued. "Free will is for the weak."

"Our decision is final," Doug concluded with authority. "Be sure it does not occur again. If it does, both of you will be relieved of your power, your thrones, and your lives."

Red and Purple could only gape in awe at the Brains. They wondered sometimes if the Brains were entirely in their right minds; this just threw another wrench into the mix. Not only was a competent soldier (and Zim) marked as a traitor, but she'd practically turned her back on the leaders she'd once proclaimed to love. And not only that! But they'd be held responsible if another Irken decided to go insane and take a mate? How was that fair? They couldn't exactly hound every single Irken under their rule to be sure nothing funny went on. They were just there to be pretty and eat snacks...and occasionally command the Armada.

Doug's booming voice interrupted their combined thoughts. "Our session is concluded. Leave." A beat. "NOW!" That sent the Tallests flying from the room.

They didn't really have a choice: something had to be done to ensure this unsightly episode would not repeat itself. They were a little too fond of their heads to let it happen again.


	6. I Feel Pretty

_I feel pretty,  
><em>_oh so pretty.  
><em>_I feel pretty and witty and gay  
><em>_and I pity any girl who isn't me today!  
><em>_  
>See the pretty girl in that mirror there?<br>__Who can that attractive girl be?  
><em>_Such a pretty face,  
><em>_such a pretty dress,  
><em>_such a pretty smile,  
><em>_such a pretty me!  
><em>**I Feel Pretty-West Side Story OST**

A streak of blue slashed across each eyelid. It was horrendously bright and vibrant, just like the red lipstick on the small mouth. It wasn't so much the shade of the lipstick that was disturbing as the fact that it had been used to crudely draw the lips on the face. After the eyeshadow came the mascara, heavy and thick and something that would make even Tammy Faye jealous. Next was the blush. Instead of gently blending it into the skin in a sweeping, upward motion, it was applied in dark circles on each cheek. On a doll it might have looked okay, but not on this model. Oh, look. There's not enough eyeshadow. Put on more!

GIR was now ready for a night of partying: makeup done, cowboy hat on, and tutu on over the dogsuit. Time to go!

He was just walking past Zim and Tak, who were sitting on the couch arguing about the military tactics used in some Earth movie, when they both shut up and stared at him. He paused in midstep and slowly turned his head to stare back at them. "Uhhh, GIR..." Zim began.

"I BE PRETTEH!" the robot screeched happily.

Silence. Tak titled her head slighted before having to stifle a laugh. GIR may have been completely nuts but she didn't want to hurt his feelings. He'd obviously gone to a lot of trouble to get dressed up. "You look..." -giggle- "...very nice..." -gigglesnort-

Zim turned to her with a look of outrage. "SIRs aren't meant to look 'nice'! They're meant to obey their masters and destroy their enemies! They're not supposed to look 'pretty'!" He continued his tirade until MiMi smacked him on the head and Tak cleared her throat. She motioned with her head to GIR, who was now staring dejectedly at his feet with tears dripping from his eyes. Despite his outburst, Zim quickly changed his tone. "Err, I mean uh...OTHER SIRs aren't supposed to look 'pretty'. Yeah, yeah that's it. But my SIR can because he's the bestest one an Invader could ask for!"

GIR's depression was gone as quickly as it had appeared, and he leapt into his master's lap to grab his face. "You gonna make rice cakes? Let's make rice cakes! Grab the clowns!" he squealed, shaking Zim's head from side to side. Tak could barely hold in her laughter at this point. She'd grown fond of the little psychotic thing over the past few weeks.

"Go have fun, GIR," she said to him. He turned to her and saluted. "Yes, my mistress!" he proclaimed proudly before bursting into giggles and jumping out the window.

Zim just stared after his demented minion. "Err...what just happened?" MiMi just smacked her head with her palm and Tak fell off the couch in a fit of laughter.

_She thinks she's in love,  
><em>_she thinks she's in Spain.  
><em>_She isn't in love,  
><em>_she's merely insane!_

**Note: **Reviews make my world go right 'round, baby right 'round, like a record, baby. Right right 'round 'round! ^_^


	7. You Did It

_Tonight, old man, you did it,  
><em>_you did it, you did it!  
><em>_You said that you would do it  
><em>_and indeed you did!  
><em>_I thought that you would rue it.  
><em>_I doubted you'd do it,  
><em>_but now I must admit it that succeed you did!  
><em>_You should get a medal  
><em>_or be even made a knight!  
><em>_Oh, it was nothing.  
><em>_Really nothing!  
><em>_All alone you hurdled every obstacle in sight!  
><em>_Now wait, now wait.  
><em>_Give credit where it's due.  
><em>_A lot of the glory goes to you!  
><em>**You Did It-My Fair Lady OST**

The Earth was burning. Everything in sight was engulfed in bright yellow flames that grew higher and higher until they seemed to lick the sky itself. Finally, after so many years of failure and disappointment, the pitiful planet belonged to Zim! All it took was the nuking of one continent for the humans to turn on themselves, leaving them weak to Zim's evil plans. He'd become the voice in every ear, whispering that every one was plotting against each other. The paranoia set in rather quickly and it took less than a month for the world to fall. Victory! Victory for Zim and the mighty Irken Empire!

At present, he and Tak were sharing a maniacal laugh atop the smoking ruins of some capitol building (it didn't matter what country it once belonged to; all of them were garbage now), GIR, Minimoose, and MiMi bouncing and playing in the rubble below. Tak had been instrumental in crippling the puny planet (though he'd never admit it aloud); she was the one altering minds and choices made by the human filthies while Zim gained control of his global communications hacker device...thingy. She didn't really care what it was; she never thought it would work anyway. But it did! That was the most surprising part. He'd used it to tap into the subconscious brainwaves of anyone within earshot, using very vague, general language so as to apply to anyone and make them into makeshift puppets. It only had to be used a handful of times before the last bombs were detonated and the human race had fallen.

They laughed at the mayhem and carnage they created, feeling as close to gods as any creature ever could. Their very existences were validated! They had purpose! If they could bring this planet to its knees so quickly, perhaps they could do the same on others without much effort! Further glory for the Empire! They'd be hailed as heroes when they returned to Irk! They'd formally be made true Invaders. That would be neat! Thinking of the rewards awaiting them back home, Tak looked to the still-laughing Zim. She was so full of giddiness at their conquest that she did something thoroughly unexpected: she threw her arms around his neck and hugged him.

That was enough to stop his laugh in mid 'ha'. This was...different. Normally the only kind of physical contact he had with Tak was when she hit him. His first thought was that she may have contracted brainworms at some point. Even if that were the case, this hug felt...nice.

She froze as she seemed to realize what exactly she was doing. Her head flung up to meet his eyes, as surprised as her own probably were, before she shoved him away and stared at a pebble. Anything to distract herself from what she'd felt during the embrace. It was so...un-Irken. She didn't dare look at him again just yet.

He seemed to have other ideas, though. She felt his fingers close around her wrist in a most gentle way; so unlike his usual self. She only realized that she was looking back into his eyes when it was too late. He was smiling at her. Not the standard evil smile that either meant he was plotting something (stupid) or imagining how his life as a hero on Irk would be (which he did on an almost-daily basis anyway). This smile was genuine. It was...sweet. That couldn't be good.

"Hey, Tak," he said without malice or arrogance. "I wanna give you something. Just because, err, you might sorta kinda deserve it. But don't forget it came from me! ZIIIM!" She just glared at him. He quieted down. "So anyway, here it is. But the moon still belongs to GIR." He led her to the edge of the building and gestured grandly at the wasteland before them. At first she was about to punch him for being so stupid, but then she realized just what he was presenting her with: the very Earth itself. The fires would die out in time, leaving a fresh, new planet ripe for cultivating and building something awesome. He wasn't giving it to the Empire, to the Tallest, or keeping it for himself. He was giving it to her, the one who had tried to kill him for ruining her chances of becoming an Invader, the one he'd sworn to annihilate if he ever saw her again.

She was overcome with some unknown emotion. It wasn't pride or smug satisfaction or greed for more. What was the right word for it? Happiness? Was that it? Yeah, yeah, that sounded about right. She was happy. Wait, she was happy? That was a human emotion! So...why did that not bother her as much as it should have? When she looked back at Zim, he was gazing out across the smoldering field. A quiet tingling deep in her gut began to spread until it reached her fingertips. It wasn't an unpleasant feeling if she were honest with herself. Just foreign.

The kiss began and ended before either of them could think. A simple peck on the cheek in a very human manner that left both blushing. Tak didn't let Zim ponder it too long, however. "C'mon, Zim," she said softly. "Let's enjoy the view. Our new empire." She pulled him down to sit on the edge of the building. With their minions still playing in the background, they surveyed their handiwork with pride, their fingers still intwined.

This contentment may not last long, but it was enjoyable for the moment. She looked forward to being able to give him his own planet one day. But MiMi would get the moon of the next one.

* * *

><p><strong>Note: <strong>Reviews are love! My next couple are both weird as all get-out (chapter 8) and rather serious yet different (chapter 9). Yeah, that tells a whole lot, doesn't it xD


	8. Alice in Wonder Underground

_Oh yeah, Alice in Wonder Underground  
><em>_Devil, angel, and epicurean.  
><em>_Oh yeah, Alice in Wonder Underground  
><em>_Devil, angel, and epicurean.  
><em>_Let's go!  
><em>**Alice in Wonder Underground-Buck Tick**

(Seriously, go watch this video! When I first saw it I didn't know whether to laugh, cry, scream, run away, throw up, or bang my head against a wall. It's that kind of awesome.)

* * *

><p>"This is so not right!" Dib yelled in astonished horror as he took in the scenery around him. All he'd done was step onto Zim's lawn to try to sneak into his house and get photographic evidence of his being an evil monster from beyond the stars. Now he was trapped in what looked like a love-child of every Alice in Wonderland movie and Bloaty's Pizza Hog commercial ever made. Everything was more demented than usual, what with the Technicolor madness and all. It actually reminded him of that parallel world that he and Zim had gotten stuck in on Halloween, only less scary and more...horrifying. It was too saccharine, too bright, too weird! Even the house was creepier than normal: it was gingerbread roofed with Swiss cheese (eww). Upon closer inspection, it was actually REAL gingerbread! Well, it smelled and tasted like it anyway. He hated gingerbread. He'd rather be back in the Halloween world than this one!<p>

Hey! What was that? He raised his arm and saw that instead of hands and fingers he now had wings! In fact, it looked like he'd been turned into a weird type of fat bird. Crossing his eyes he saw the end of what looked to be a beak. It was bulbous on the end. "Hey, wait a minute..." he muttered to himself. "This is vaguely familiar. But where have I seen this before?" He glanced around once more at the strange landscape that surrounded him. Nope. Still not coming to him. "Maybe Zim knows what's going on. But wait! What if it's a trap? Ever since Tak came back his plans have been...less stupid. Well, they're still stupid, but not as much. Not too sure how I feel about that, though."

"Shut up!" came dual voices from inside the house. "You might as well come in, Dib-monkey." That was unmistakably Zim. He sounded annoyed.

Furrowing his brow, Dib cautiously reached for the doorknob only to find it exceedingly difficult to turn with his normal hands. Feathers had next to no traction. He finally managed to turn it enough to open the door, and he gasped in further shock. The walls looked like candy canes, what he could see of the kitchen looked like a forest of nachos from another dimension, and the TV...well, that was still the same. Figured. "What's going on, Zi-" His tirade was stopped short when he faced the couch (which was now nothing but a giant marshmallow): Zim and Tak were sitting there, arms crossed and looking thoroughly irritated, but nothing like themselves. For one thing, Zim now had a ginormous top hat on his head and was wearing an-almost comical zoot suit. Tak actually looked relatively okay, what with a gold crown and giant red dress and all. Minimoose and MiMi kept flying in and out of the room in what looked to be a game of tag (or something), but they were dressed in matching overalls with hideously bright striped turtlenecks on underneath. So that accounted for the two aliens and two minions, but where was the third? The really insane one?

"If you're wondering where GIR is," Zim began coldly, "he's...somewhere around here." He never even glanced at Dib, nor did Tak. They just stared straight ahead, Tak appearing more pissed than anything.

"You mean you don't know where your own robot is?"

"Uh-huh."

"..." Dib tilted his head at his nemesis. That couldn't be good. "Wait a second! Just what's going on here, Zim? Why's everything all...weird and creepy-like?" He flapped his arms (wings) as he said this, distress making itself evident in his voice.

Tak was the one who answered this time, her tone clipped and on the verge of bursting. "It seems that we're all trapped in one of GIR's stupid holographic simulations. He won't let us near the control room to put everything back to normal, so we're stuck like this until he gets bored...or we kill each other. Whichever comes first."

"So how did I get dragged into this?" Dib whined. "I didn't do anything!"

"You came within my perimeter, didn't you?" Zim asked. "My entire base has been transformed into this monstrosity. Anyone who enters becomes a part of the simulation as well, puny dirt-worm."

Dib lifted his arms (wings) and shook them to bring attention to them. "But what am I? Was GIR watching too much bad TV and he got the idea to turn everything in the house into what he saw on the screen?"

"Your hypothesis is correct," the aliens answered together. Then they went silent.

Before Dib could utter another syllable, GIR came flying down the stairs, closely following a rubber piggy wearing bunny ears. GIR was laughing like his usual maniacal self, so at least that was unchanged. But what was with the pig?

"Would you stop talking to yourself out loud, stink-bait?" Tak snapped. Had he really been talking to himself again? "Yes, you have! Now quit it!"

"FOLLOW THE PIGGY! FOLLOW...PIGGY!" GIR screamed as he raced around the room and into the kitchen, disappearing into the refrigerator. Dib finally got it.

"Oooooh, now I get it!" he proclaimed proudly. "This _is _like Alice in Wonderland! The pig is the White Rabbit, GIR is Alice, Minimoose and MiMi are TweedleDee and TweedleDum, you're" -he pointed at Zim- "the Mad Hatter, and you're" -now to Tak- "the Queen of Hearts." He turned thoughtful for a brief moment. "Kinda makes sense in a weird sort of way, I guess." A pause. "BUT WHAT THE HECK AM ?"

"The Dodo," came the conjoined reply.

"NOOOOOOOOO...wait, what? I'm the Dodo? I couldn't be something cool like the Cheshire Cat or the Knave of Hearts or something?"

"No. Now if you're not going to help us change everything back to normal, get out," Zim said steadily, a vein in his forehead twitching.

"What do you want me to do? GIR's your minion, you control him!"

Just as he ended his sentence, the front door burst open. What looked like fog rolled in on the carpet before another figure entered the house. It was...a giant caterpillar? Oh. The Caterpillar with the hookah. Right. "Dib!" That voice. It was familiar..."Dad says you gotta come home."

"What the...Gaz?"

"NOW, Dib!" Yep. Definitely Gaz. She gave the room a once-over before growling softly under her breath. They couldn't make out everything she said, but something along the lines of "ripping out intestines" and "meds" drifted through the room. She walked over to the far wall, punched a hole in it, and ripped out a handful of wires. The artificial simulation shimmered like a desert mirage before disappearing entirely. Everything was back to normal again! Well, except that Zim and Tak still hadn't moved and were still irritated.

"Gaz! You saved us! Thank y-"

"If you utter one more word, I'll twist your head like a screw until it falls out your butt. Now come home. Dad's taking us out to eat, and if you screw this up like you did LAST year, I'll put you in a world of pain so horrible, so painful you'll wish you'd never been born."

Dib went quiet. Gaz would make good on that promise. He shuddered at the memory of what happened after the Shadowhog incident. Gaz grabbed him by the back of the neck and dragged him out of the house, the door slamming shut on its own after her.

Other than Minimoose and MiMi still chasing each other, all was silent in the house. Zim and Tak were still trying to control their anger at being made characters in GIR's little fantasy world. Out of nowhere, GIR hurtled right into Zim's head, knocking him out cold. Tak just stared straight ahead. This day was just too weird.

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><p><strong>As always, reviews are very much appreciated and make feel all warm and fuzzy :)<strong>


	9. Big Iron

_In this town there lived an outlaw by the name of Texas Red.  
>Many men had tried to take him and that many men were dead.<br>He was vicious and a killer though a youth of twenty-four  
>and the notches on his pistol numbered one and nineteen more.<br>One and nineteen more…_

_Now the stranger started talking, made it plain to folks around._  
><em>Was an Arizona Ranger, wouldn't be too long in town.<em>  
><em>He came here to take an outlaw back alive or maybe dead,<em>  
><em>and he said it didn't matter, he was after Texas Red.<em>  
><em>After Texas Red…<em>

_Wasn't long before the story was relayed to Texas Red,_  
><em>but the outlaw didn't worry; men that tried before were dead.<em>  
><em>Twenty men had tried to take him, twenty men had made a slip.<em>  
><em>Twenty-one would be the ranger with the big iron on his hip.<em>  
><em>Big iron on his hip…<br>_**Big Iron-Marty Robbins**

High noon. The dusty little town that should have bustling with life like a beehive was eerily silent. Even Tak's place of business was dead. This whole thing was causing her profits to drop; it was her brothel and the local saloon that kept the town of Horse Iron afloat, and if the lack of customers continued much longer the town would fall into depression. Normally, her home was buzzing with activity. Now it was like a graveyard. She watched the two men who were now standing forty feet apart with a mixture of disdain and only the slightest bit of concern. The stranger in the tan-colored hat was no source of worry to her. He'd made it abundantly clear to everyone in earshot that he was a U.S. Marshall only here for the outlaw Zim; after his business was concluded, he'd be leaving without a backward glance. Fine by her. She certainly had no love for lawmen, especially those who weren't her customers. Nine times out of ten they were nothing but bad for business. This one was no different. She'd be much happier once he left, no matter what manner his departure.

Zim was the one she kept her eye one; she always did. He'd been her customer the first time he rode into town, but after that one night she'd banned him from her house. Her initial rage (the cause of which she never revealed to anyone) didn't last long once he started bringing his friends to town, and subsequently to her doorstep. Her stubbornness had been begrudgingly swept aside in favor of good pay; beggars couldn't be choosers in this town, in this time. Zim had somehow wheedled his way into her better graces as the years past, but she still refused to let him through her door. She supposed part of her aversion to him was something simpler than his arrogance and self-centeredness; in the right (or maybe wrong) light, she could swear his eyes glowed red. It was inhuman. It always unnerved her. Even now, in the bright sunlight even at this distance, his eyes seemed more crimson than their usual dark brown.

A slight tug on the lace of her sleeve cuff brought her thoughts away from the oncoming shootout. Little Mimi was looking at the two men who were still staring each other down, each daring the other to make the first move. Tak may have been branded a "woman of loose morals", but she was protective of the small mute child. "Zita," she called to one of her girls; all four of them were huddled by the single window in the parlor, watching the showdown in morbid fascination. Zita came to attention at the sound of her name. "Take Mimi upstairs. Don't let her look out the windows." Tak's tone allowed no room for argument or hesitation. Zita quietly took the child by the hand and led her up to her room, promising a story about a beautiful princess who fell in love with a bandit. Although her back was turned, Tak could feel Zita's eyes on her as she said this; for some reason, the girl thought that she loved Zim and had since first setting eyes on him. Ridiculous. There was no space in a whore's life for love, let alone for a slimy rat like Zim.

Tak remained unfazed by the entire standoff; to the casual observer she merely looked bored with the whole ordeal. She wished one of them would do something to hurry this along. She got her wish when both men's hands pushed their coats aside to reveal their weapons, neither yet touching them. Zim's was a pistol just as black as his heart, slender yet powerful. If one were to look closer, he would see the twenty notches carved into the handle of the gun. Each one represented the twenty fools who sought to bring him in for the considerable reward; not a one of them returned home to their families. The Marshall's, who'd identified himself as Dib, gun was spotless in comparison, and of a substantially bigger caliber. She'd never seen anything like it! It looked like it could rip a hole the size of a man's fist right through a person. She knew that Zim saw the weapon (he always knew when a weapon was nearby, as she'd learned the hard way), but he didn't flinch one bit. Once again, his arrogance was unmatched. Tak shook her head with a small snort. She wouldn't be the least bit surprised if he lost this match.

To her chagrin, she began to feel a coil of fear deep in her gut at the thought of him losing. A loss in this particular game meant death. It wasn't that she liked him, not even close. Just the thought of him put her in a foul mood. Perhaps it was because she had grown...accustomed to his presence in her life, however irritating it was. His friends paid handsomely whenever they came to town, making it possible for her to put clean clothes on Little Mimi and hot food in her belly. The child was the closest thing she had to a family now, and anything that made her life better was worth any pain Tak herself might have to face. In that regard, she was thankful to Zim. But that was all. They were not friends, lovers, not even enemies, in all honesty. So why did that twinge grow stronger when his and Dib's hands lighted upon their pistols?

She couldn't watch anymore. She'd never been one to look forward to someone's death, but there was more to it this time. She wouldn't admit it, not even to herself, but she did indeed care for the outlaw. Should his luck have run out, she didn't want to bear witness to the gruesome results. She turned away from the doorway, closing it gently behind her. She rested her forehead against the warm wood and closed her eyes just as tears began to fall silently down her cheeks. She didn't dare open the door again when two shots rang out as one: **BANG!**

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><p><strong>Note: <strong>I leave the ending up to you guys! Seriously, this whole song is amazing. The entire thing is a story in itself (something I really miss from old songs that you don't hear anymore), and you really should listen to the whole thing. I just included what was most relevant to the story here. This was also my first time attempting writing for the Western genre. "True Grit" or "Lonesome Dove" this is not ^_^


	10. Nightshade

_Come  
>I will wait for you<br>Like the nightshade blooms  
>Twilight muse<br>Soar  
>Flying high for you<br>Like a hawk for you  
>I will watch over you<em>

_Hail the night in fire  
>So alive in fire<br>Silver fire  
>In light<br>In blood  
>Hail the night<br>New dawn  
>My treasure<em>  
><strong>Nightshade-Rhea's Obsession<strong>

"Enter." That one word sent yet another shiver down his spine as he stood outside her door. He'd only just arrived and she knew. Taking a deep breath to steady his nerves, Zim parted the curtains that hid her domain from prying eyes and stepped into another world.

Smoke and almost sickly-sweet incense swirled around him as if they were living beings. Flames burned warmly throughout the room, the only source of light granted to him. The sorcerress fobade anything artificial to be allowed into her home, including light fixtures and computers. No wonder she lived so far removed from Irken society; she shunned everything that made the species what it was. And yet she was the one who held true power. No one, not even the Control Brains, dared make a decision without her consult. She was the most feared and revered being within the Empire; every Tallest she had consulted had a special fear of her for she told them all at the beginning of their reigns how their rule would end. It was never a peaceful death for a Tallest. But still, all Invaders were required to meet with her prior to their first mission. None could leave the planet without her blessing.

Through the haze of smoke and firelight, he saw her. Tak the sorcerress, the prophetess whose word was law. Her eyes were downcast, gazing deeply into a bowl of water as if seeing something beyond sight. He remained standing before her for several minutes, not daring to speak. He'd been made aware of the protocol he needed to follow once he set foot into her home, and he could not sit until she said so. He watched her, studying her, attempting to learn her secrets by mere observation.

Tak let out a long breath, causing the water to ripple, and looked at him. Only one eye was visible to him, the other hidden behind a bejewelled white mask that concealed the right side of her face. One rumor was that she had been horribly disfigured by some accident as a child, hence the mask. It was never confirmed, however. Zim had always been curious about the truth, but now that he was here he wasn't sure if the question would be appropriate. Her gaze gave away nothing, but she seemed to study him just as he had been studying her. A chiming sound reached his ears when she raised her arm in a gesture for him to sit. He saw that the source was dozens of tiny bells wrapped around her wrist, a matching set on her other arm. He kept an eye on her hand, particularly her sharpened claws, as he obeyed her silent command.

Once he had situated himself, she stood and walked over to him, her royal purple robes flowing like liquid behind her. More chimes echoed in the small space, the result of several more bells around her ankles. She chose a palette of incense and brought it over to him. She waved it around his head and blew some of the smoke into his face. He only closed his eyes against the intrusion, not wanting to appear weak. He opened them again when he heard her chuckle lightly. She moved back to her seat and took her place on the well-worn cushion, leaving the incense on a small table off to the side. "So you wish to think yourself an Invader," she said, her voice as low and hazy as the atmosphere around them. She took the bowl she'd been contemplating upon his arrival and threw its contents over her shoulder. She saw his gaze follow the liquid questioningly. She gave a small half-smile in repsonse. "Everything must be made fresh for a new scrying," she clarified. "What was used for one must not be used for another." She took a silver pitcher from beneath the table they sat at and refilled the bowl. "Now, to work." Another half-smaile and she turned her focus onto the water.

Zim watched closely, yet could see nothing but the glow of candlelight reflected in the bowl. Tak spoke softly as she observed, seeing something he could not fathom. "You will go to a distant planet, farther than any Irken, Invader or not, before you." He smirked to himself at that, though it disappeared when the flames suddenly grew higher and brighter for a moment before dying back down. "There you shall make many enemies of the native population, one in particular. He will make it his life's goal to overturn your plans and chase you from the planet." She went quiet.

"Will he succeed?" he asked hesitantly.

There was an agonizing beat before she answered him. "Everything past that is cloudy." He saw her brow furrow, though whether in concentration or confusion he could not tell. "But know this: your name will be forever remembered in Irken history. Whether it be positive or negative remains to be seen."

The way she talked gave him pause. "You speak as if you yourself are not Irken. You did not say ' farther than any of **us**' or '**our** history'. And you refuse to allow any of our technology near you or your home. Why?" Once he spoke he found his confidence to continue and grow bolder.

That smile again. She lifted her head and looked directly into his eyes, as if boring into his very soul. He could have sworn there was a flash of light inside those violet orbs. "Can you keep a secret, Invader Zim?" He nodded just once. "So can I." She giggled to herself at his reaction to that. "In truth, my reasons are my own. Do you have any more questions for me?"

He observed her again, taking in the elaborate mask, the beaded headdress, the knowing smirk on her lips, the way her hands rested lightly on either side of the water bowl. Was she taunting him? Or was she being sincere? Well, there was only one way to find out. "Just one more. Why do you wear that mask?"

She laughed in earnest now at his brazenness. "You are different from the others. You have an inquisitiveness in you that I have not seen in an Irken for some time. Perhaps you shall do well in your mission." She leaned forward on her elbows, a decidedly more relaxed pose than she'd exhibited since this little meeting began. "This mask represents what may be, while the bared side of my face represents what is. Very cliche, isn't it." She did not phrase that as a question. Another laugh before she raised a hand to said mask. She pulled it away from her skin and lay it between them. "Irkens are relatively simple creatures, in all honesty. Anything even slightly out of the ordinary throws them off guard. But rest assured that my abilities are not illusion." She let the smile fade from her lips and eyes as she grew more thoughtful. "You face dark and dangerous times ahead, Invader Zim. Do not allow your guard to drop as others would. Do not let yourself be blinded by arrogance and greed. That is my advice to you."

Only the flickering of the candles could be heard then. Zim wondered if she was making fun of him; that "advice" was common sense to any Irken, Invader or not. Was _that_ the great revelation he was to take away from this encounter? _This_ was the great power behind the throne? Was this a joke?

"Do not doubt me, Invader," she said sharply. "You make your own destiny. I merely guide you to the place where your path forks. At that crossroads, it is up to you to decide where to go next. I cannot give you all the answers."

"And why not?"

"Where's the fun in that?" She was laughing at him again. He narrowed his eyes at that realization, wanting very badly to bring her down a few pegs. "Now go. Do what you must for the Empire, but be wary. Your enemy on this new planet may be an obstacle to your mission, but your worst enemy will be yourself."

And that was that. The mask slipped back onto her face with a finality that matched her words, ones that he would think on deeply during the long journey to his assigned planet. He hurried out of her domicile, eager to breathe the free air once more.

Tak smiled after him, hoping he would take her advice to heart, yet knowing he wouldn't. She shook her head then began preparing for her next appointment.

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><p><strong>Note:<strong> Thank you to everyone who reviewed so far! I'm happy this experiment has made even one person happy :) I just wanted to let you guys know that this may be the last chapter I do for a while; I've got ideas and concepts for other songs that came up, but I'm having trouble elaborating them and making them into something readable. I tried to write out a couple at a convention I went to recently, but I just wasn't happy with them. I'm going to have to try some new approaches or something. Anyway, thank you for reading, and I hope to have more chapters up soon!


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